If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
only you would photoshop your dick
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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