Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
