So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
