True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
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tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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