the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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