Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
In America we eat man semen.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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