I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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