he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
