Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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