This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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