oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
