Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
