I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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