Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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