I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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