I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize