she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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