some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
