I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
