its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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