I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
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I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You took a bar mat shot.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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