i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
