i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You smell like stripper and shame
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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