based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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