You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
