A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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