My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize