Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
