Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
thus making me awesome and them whores
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
