Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
