cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
