wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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