It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize