i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
