there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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