i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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