i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
