im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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