Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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