wake up i wanna do it froggy style
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
