exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
