It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
vagina is talking i cant
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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