Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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