Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
