If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
