i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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