and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize