you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
