You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
