dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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