there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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