I heard we made out
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
