Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
