You're completely useless in the revolution.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
