Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
