his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
