My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Terrible idea I love it
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
