i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
