Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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