we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
