I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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