She is in my trunk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
