Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm too high and old for this...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
