Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
