So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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