help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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