Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
