Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
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I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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